Maybe you can relate, maybe you're even older and feel the same.. but really, I don't know what it is about what's happening with me or if it's awesome or annoying, but I feel like Indian summer sexual.
I have a suspicion it's got something to do with how committed I've been lately to figuring myself out. Meditating, letting myself say yes to things without feeling selfish. I've lived my whole life as the one who held the door open for people and stayed in. I raised under ridiculously strict conditions and I unknowingly adhered some of those things to my adult way of life. (If you've got a similar back story I suggest you try all this) I'm not saying I'm throwing caution to the wind and just going crazy. I'm just letting myself stay out that 2 extra hours with friends, meeting new people, wearing that outfit I always wanted to but didn't because.. I don't even know. Laying out looking at stars and not feeling like 'this is stupid' or 'I'm just wasting time'.
The thing is, in doing all this I've woken something up in myself.
I feel like I haven't in.. forever. I used to feel sensuality and desire but a couple a failed relationships and just a complete lack of stellar people around me killed it in me. I wasn't depressed or hating on life, I just didn't get that heat rush in your checks. Or that sensation when your heart beats loud or (one of my favorites) when you have to control your breathing because you think somehow the person next to you is gonna Sherlock Holmes you and figure out that you 'like' someone. Haha, it's just ridiculous to even say, 'like' someone. But, I honestly don't know how else to word it.
Just to feel this way again, it's overwhelming. I think the biggest part of it is that it's not all about sex. In fact, it's got very little to do with it. Just to get to feel these feelings again that I thought were reserved only for the youth. To feel a connection and be flirty without the adult pressure of it automatically meaning sex.
The media and some crowds make it seem like now that you're an adult harmless flirting is dumb. Sex is always the end goal. Everything else is a means to an end. NOT that sex is bad, no. It's just so wonderful to express other things that we seem to forget about once we've been in an adult relationship.
Just the boost of being flirted with, or the knowledge that you made somebody's day by being just a little sweet to them.
There's a time and a place for everything, and I'm glad I'm finding time to be true to myself.
(Also all the steamy dreams I've been having isn't a bad bonus, hahahahahaha.)
It's lovely that you're getting an early start on this. I didn't have my own serious wake up call until much later in my life. Prior to the experience that really opened my eyes to what I was missing, I thought things were pretty good! After that, I realized I had been missing out on true passion. I completely changed my life after that experience, as I realized a life without full and complete passion isn't a life at all.
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