Kickin' my feet up for summer.

Hiya Darlings,
So I've been working my tush off in my little farm and it looks like I'm finally going to get a moment to get to my true passion, you all! I was thinking, I'm pressing a few of my roses for a friend and maybe I'd make one to send to one of you. I just adore them.
Now that the heat is really kicking in where I'm at I'm having a hard time juggling. The heat always zaps my energy. Usually you can find me watching Netflix, yelling at my xbox, or rather a game that's frustrating me in said xbox, or- as is most often the case- trying to keep up with the tiniest farm ever haha. To look at it you'd assume it was just an avid gardener's hobby, but for someone who's just trying really hard to have a green thumb it gets pretty hairy. ha
I want to be better about my youtube, putting up more, but my style in the summer is a little lax. It's too hot for too much!
Also, I'm thinking of doing some live streaming to get to sort of hang out with everyone. Good idea?
xoxo,
Maddie

PS- If you play triva crack I wanna play with you! madisonmaybee

My, my, my.. news!

Been a while darlings. I was so buried in things to do I didn't seem to have a moment to sit and write, I'm here to make up. So, what's new? Well, I'll start off with big news in my life. In 2 days, (April 29) I will be one month sober. I hope not to shock any of you. I assure you I was far from airing on an episode of intervention, I was just taking it a bit too far for my own body. I got into the habit of wine every night, and while I see no problem at all in drinking or in drinking a bit more often than some using wine as an ally to punch your anxiety in the face every day isn't something you should do. I find that I have much more energy and am finding better, more consistent ways to deal with my anxiety. Mind you, I have no intention of being sober forever, I am far too fond of wine. I just aim to get back to enjoying the glass, not trying to 500 meter dash to the bottom.
Other news, significantly more uplifting is I've been working on what I've started to call my 'private collection' for the website. I've got a small body of videos all done and with one or two more added I'll feel confidant in adding them to my videos page. It will have a still photo from the vid and a description and price. These will be ones I hesitate to put on youtube for fear of a vanilla monger taking offense and threaten the channel. They'll be more sensual and I am most excited to show off a bit of my vintage lingerie collection. These are very personal videos. I wanted to give the chance to see me in a deeper light. I'll still do customs but as these will already be loaded and ready to go they'll have no wait time. I'll also include different things I feel youtube might look down on, like smoking or walking barefoot in public places and a more genuine and personal look into my life.
Even mooooore stuff..
I've decided to share my snapchat. I'll do at least one a day of feet and smoking and throw in more from time to time. Little peeks into what I'm doing off camera. I just like the idea of sharing more than the 5 mins of a video you see over and over. I find in this way I can share things that make me a more tangible and real person. It'll have it's own page soon on the website too but for those readin' you can email me at madisonmayebee@gmail.com if you're interested now, the price will also be lower than it will on the website, cause if you read this.. that's pretty cool of you. I'll do 1 month, 6 month and one year. Neat.
But yes, I'm back on track and heading to new heights. I'm so happy with how far we've come and look forward to going even farther together. You are all so wonderful to me and I could never thank you enough for making this little lady feel so special.

Oh and what a summer it will be, I'm back full force with some exciting news.

 Hello my Darlings.
I have so very much to tell you.
I mentioned in my video that a lovely girl called Natasha will be staying here now. We took some time to get her moved in and settled, we even had a small house warming party for her which is where I encountered the lovely bruise you see below. You know, it turns out that there is an answer to the eternal question, "How low can you go?" There is also a large amount of humor that comes with explaining to nurse after nurse that the reason your knee is swollen 3 times it's normal size is because of all the talents in the world you posses limbo is not among them.
It turns out to have been dislocated so I took some time to let that not feel like it did.. which was fun, fun. Haha, no more limbo for this champ. If it's any consolation though, I did win.
                                                                                 The other news I wanted to share is much much more exciting. Natasha has got her work schedule and now I am able to do things at a much different, much better pace than before. She's absolutely wonderful and helps with keeping up the house, getting in the garden and feeding the animals. (Which you may be hearing more about as we're about to get our first goat.. haha) I'm very excited for this summer. I'm in the most wonderful mood. I know a few videos were delayed, but I ask for your patience in that I needed to be with family while I put all of myself back together again and got Natasha settled. She'll even have her own channel soon it seems. But, to make up for everything I've got quite the line up planned. I'm very, very excited. I've got lots of work to do to catch up but once it's all done I think everyone will be quite surprised. I finally finished something I've been waiting so very long to do. I hope that this is our best summer yet and that we enjoy each others company more than ever before. I'm sitting right here with the exception of a few river days, which I'll film and a family wedding in the summer. A big hint as to the surprise? I've got my new channel set up! What in the world will be on it? Well.. it won't be what you're used to on my regular channel. But it will be a mre in depth, more voyeuristic, if you will look at my actual daily life with daily videos on... well you'll have to tune in!
I love you all dearly and am so very ready to get this summer going. I hope you have the most wonderful day!!
xoxo
                                                                                       

Oh where did I go?

Hello Darlings,
The past week I've been in bed. I've missed you all. I went to the Dr. after a few days of not being able to breathe and after a few xrays found myself in the middle of pneumonia. I'm on the up and up now though. So no worries.
I think I've spoken before about my susceptibility to illness, this one just took it to a new level. I have 2 days left on my big meds and then I should be back on my game.
Oh how I've missed you.
I had lots planned, that I will complete as soon as I can. Hopefully starting work tomorrow.  Cough Syrup allowing. haha
I can't wait to be back in full force, watch out world.

Back from The Bat Cave.

Hello Darlings,
So I wanted to write a very sincere blog that I think will clear up frustrations we've met in the past. I've been absent for a week. I mean.. like off the grid absent. No emails, Skype, nothing. I've gone through mini phases like this before and chalked it up to not feeling well, which is the truth, but not the whole truth.
I suffer from PTSD from an attack that happened in my late teens. Most of the time I'm ok. I deal with mild to moderate anxiety, but it's nothing to write home about. Then there are other times. About a week ago was one of these other times. They come on without warning and just decimate where I'm at in my head. I developed GAD after the attack and fight it everyday.
I'm not looking for sympathy points, I'm just trying to make it so that you can understand. When I get hit by a panic attack something that might seem ridiculous.. like 30 emails to answer get out of hand to me. So I just shut down.
Last week I had a panic attack that was just larger and in all honesty, too much. I went straight away to my doctor's office and he was able to see me. I started new meds, that I am just thrilled with so far. I also was advised to do a 5 day out patient stay at a very nice facility where I could be around people like me. It's revived me.
Being fetishists we all know the sting of isolation. Knowing that there are people out there like me helps and the comfort I received there has renewed my spirit. I'm letting you in to the deepest corner of my life, because I've let you in so much already. I can sense that so many of you feel like there's something there I'm not saying. This is that thing. I'm a happy, healthy, young woman who just needs to be able to find the time to breathe sometimes.
For the most part, this isn't a problem in my life. All I'm asking for, and why I'm explaining this, is for patience when I grow overwhelmed.
I also want to extend an open invite to anyone who has to deal with anything similar. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm not just here, I understand. Maybe this is just another way we can share something in common.
Thanks to all of you for all your support and your understanding in what was a very hard time.
Things are looking up now! I can't wait to get on all the wonderful things the rest of this year has in store for me!
I love you all,
Maddie

You are All My Valentines. (Take that no card 5th grade)

%th grade year.
That day where you fill out all your recycled paper cards with just a to and a from, maybe some picture of a popular cartoon or hero, (Rugrats would be my era).. where some kids even had those fancy ones with a crappy little lolli at the end.. yeah, I hated that day.
I didn't know I hated it until 5th grade because I didn't have a crush until 5th grade. Despite the confidant young woman I got the privilege of growing into (by learning not to give a fu......nk) I was most assuredly the textbook definition of the loser in grade school. Tokens like that seem silly to us now, but as a kid that's on par with how you felt getting picked last on teams.. times ten.
Things went on this way, with the occasional sympathetic one from a popular girl until middle school.
Things changed when I grew a pair of B cups over summer break. No idea why I got so popular all the sudden, but there's where all those invites to dances were. (<---- blatant sarcasm, haha) At first I was happy to get asked to dances. Or to be lab partners and to finally get those crappy little cards with the xoxo at the bottom. I've never shared this but that's why I chose 'XoXo' as my sign off. I spent so long putting weight on it and wondering why I wasn't deservant of it that when it showed up I didn't see it for what it was, a feeble attempt at some first time boobage.
At first when it hit me that that's what it really was it was just a ton of bricks. But by the end of middle school I cracked the code. Cool, it's cool people like my chest. But I want to think that I'm interesting and 'cool' all on my own. So I spent the summer before high school started just finding MY music and MY taste in movies and books and dress. I went to my Grandparents one day when I was feeling especially accomplished in traveling this road to myself and found some old things to thumb through. In my 5th grade folder.... (You should see how my Grandma keeps things. Think.... that's um... that's my stapler.. with everything any of her Grandchildren have ever done.), any way inside was a blank crusty old Valentines day card, unsigned. I took all of it in. The picture on the front was as bright as the day some random person plopped it onto my desk at some point in like 1999, featuring the stellar mug of Sean from Boy Meets World.
The back wasn't only not signed.. it wasn't even really printed on. It just said "Stay outta trouble on this Valentines Day."
I won't pretend otherwise, I got misty eyed at first seeing that noone even took the time to sign it, but sometimes you just need to look at things in a different light. I took the card to the kitchen, thought of how far I'd come, (Now a social buttery fly and stellar student) grabbed a baby blue felt marker and wrote, "To: Me XoXo: Me."
While I might not have listened much to the advice about staying out of trouble (wink) I have kept that message in my heart. And now I have the love, support and shared strength of so many of you.
I have Valentines.
Keeping with that if any of you have ever felt the same or would just like one please email me at madisonmayebee@gmail.com and I will be very, very happy to send you one. We all need one on our desk come the 14th. Unlike other times you don't need to send a stamped envelope, I just want to say thank you for all the love I've been shown.
If you'd like to send on in return you can at P.O. Box 655 Conway, Wa 98292 or sneak a peak at the chocolate and trinkets i'm dying for on my wishlist.
I feel a very real amount of love, desire, trust and passion in this community so setting aside what the media as made Valentines I'd really just like to have a special time to exchange the feelings the day is actually meant for.
I adore you all.
XoXo

Mon Bleu! So many updates and some really cool news!

Well Greetings and Salutations!
Guess what? I've been busier than I've been in forever! I had a great feeling about this year and so far it's really held up. I am so, so excited to share a few things! I've already pre filmed some videos so that I can start releasing 2 a week. I committed to blogging more. After a lot of requests from you lovely people I finally started acting a little more my age and got a real twitter and Instagram set up, so follow me around if ya feel like it. I'm also teaching myself vines.... I sound old... but I'd like to be able to show my humor as well as my sensuality so look out for those. I literally had to google that... all that.. about vines, how to, the fact that you can add them to twitter.. I'm not even 20 something year olding right.
I've been a little slower getting pvt videos out because I've been getting a few more but I'm having a lot of fun. I feel so many things coming together and I am thrilled to my bones about it. I'm usually the worst about New Year's res type a things, but I'm dedicated to a choice I made to be much more dedicated. Nothing to do with new years.. I want to live the dream I dream and that takes work.. so here we go!
The other news I'm pretty excited to talk about... I'm asked a lot about the experiences in my life related to my fetishism and sensuality so.. I've started writing my first ebook. I'm blazing through it and it's full of personal experiences, advice and a couple of saucy stories. Because it's going so well and of the support I'm gathering before it's even done I'm going to be putting out a few.
I have always wanted to write, I just never thought it would be about something so close to me and easy to manifest.
I want to celebrate so my website is going to be growing a little.. (so excited). It won't be finished till the end of next week at the latest but the changes are something I'm really proud of. I'm also going to be offering videos that aren't customized on the website. No wait! Just a bit spicer than I'd like to put on yt but things I'd love to share pertaining to fetishism.
I feel like this might come across as rambled and random but I'm just beyond thrilled with the steps I'm taking and what I'm hoping this time next year will be like.
I want to hear from more of you! Please talk at this Lady! youtube, my website, or just madisonmayebee@gmail.com, I want to hear from you!
Here's all the new info, and some old, with more to come next week. I'm also thinkin I might just have a glass of wine and share a little of that writing I was talking about.. ;) (<--wink)
I hope you follow me on twitter if you've got yourself one, all them updates!
I love you all dearly and appreciate your supporting hearts beyond words could say!
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