My own skin and remembering the first days.

I know how strange this post might seem, but I had a beautiful night's sleep. I recently received a gift that I just adore, it's a light projector. It makes my ceiling look like the northern lights have come to visit. I was lying there, just before I dozed off, watching the beautiful display and I started thinking. About where I am now, where I've come from.
There have been two shows in my life that made a reference to some sort of 'cam girl' like job. It never crossed my mind to do it. Then I started looking for ways to live life like I really wanted to. Be more independent, be happy every day. I found a website that lets you review songs for about 18 cents a piece, and that was if you wrote paragraphs. I would just type for hours and make about 6 bucks total. After a while of this I just hated it and couldn't stand the thought of continuing. I had to find something else.
When I was 18 I worked in a strip club as a hostess. Basically a scantily clad busser who you could pay to have a drink with. One night they announced it was waitress competition night and any of us who wanted to could get up and dance, strip down to our bra and panties, no further, and the winner got 100 bucks.
I just jumped on it. It seemed like something fun to do and there was a chance I'd get a few extra dollars, which I did.. cause I won. I was so nervous at first, but the smiles and claps and music just charged my blood in a way that I'd never felt before. It was such a rush. Maybe my equivalent of  Peter Parker getting bit by that spider and feeling the venom change him. Mine was just a ... radio active stripper pole, and it was vibes not venom.
While I was getting ready to shut down my account with the music review site I had some music in the background and the song that I first won too came on. (The Cars- Just what I needed) I started reminiscing about how fun that was. I thought "Maybe I should go dance..", but it wasn't doable at the time. No car and no club near by. So I started thinking of alternatives and realized that the answer was at the end of my finger tips.
I actually started on CL (hahahaha) I would dance down to my bra and panties for 20 mins for 20 dollars. It worked out alright for a while. Then people started asking me why I didn't do cam work, and I had no answer. I spent time in chat rooms where guys where just looking to watch a girl dance around, I did alright on CL, why not step it up?
So I did. I joined my first site, it'll be a year in October. Slow.Going. For a while. Now a days though, I'm so happy. It was the same when I decided to start my youtube channel, I was to afraid to feel sensual in a public venue. But once it got going, I really, really enjoyed it.
Everyday now, I get to wake up and know I'm doing what I can to make myself happy and others as well. I get to feel that sensuality. String out that moment, that first time on stage, feel some of that everyday.
Some days are still slow, but never bad. Inboxes, photoshoots, making videos, meeting new people.
I went from thinking myself always the wallflower to being a few people's wallpaper. haha.
I had no confidence in myself, and I sometimes feel sad for letting myself get there. But now I'm happy, expressive and out there. I get to be me.
The bottom line, all the cam work, channel work, modeling, writing, it's nothing without that surge of happiness, and that happiness comes from the people I meet.
So thank you.
All my best, from the bottom of my heart,
Maddie